I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
