After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
