What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
