Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
