no, he came in my armpit
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
