she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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