I am spending my child support on dildos
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
