my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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