Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
