i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
then he tried to convert me to islam
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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