I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
