A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
