in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
