PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
