3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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