Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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