turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
