Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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