I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
