"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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