You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
