I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
