Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
