I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
too bad you live with your parents still
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize