i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
