Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
