whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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