So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
