You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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