You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
