There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
