what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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