my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize