i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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