I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize