I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
