I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
