'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
