So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am available for nakedness
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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