To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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