I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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