first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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