Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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