just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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