The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
