And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
