Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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