Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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