Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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