so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
