I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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