Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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