Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
