Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The power of my boobs compel you
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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