Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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