you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
