before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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