they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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