I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
