I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
