some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
