the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i will never coherently bang her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
