If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
