Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
