Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
