Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
