So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
