We're like a lot better than the average bears
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
