Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
