just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
