He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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