your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
