its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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