I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
