Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
