I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
