Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
