I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
