There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
