Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
