The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
