remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
