STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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